Bother

On Saturday, I filled up my new planner (which I bought impulsively after seeing that it was 50% off only 20 days into the new year) and I realized that there were about a hundred things to do with my life, but none of them past May. 

It's not that I don't know where I want to be in June, or that I have serious doubts that I won't be able get there, but it's that the decision is not in my hands. 

Maybe I should be clearer. 

I'm in the middle of applying to med schools, and I don't seriously believe in any school except one. And yes, I have decided, though I can't say I'm completely sure why. But just because I have decided doesn't mean that it will be, and come June there is the very real chance that I will be nowhere at all. And only this Saturday did I realize that it was bothering me. 

(There have been a lot of 'I's in this post so far, and though I can't deny that I can't think of much else to write about than whatever it is that I experience, I hope I'm not sounding too self-centered.)

But I have been bothered, and today that led me to the LS Bookstore and the impulsive purchase of five books. 

This is impulsive primarily because I am lucky if I have a large enough chunk of time to devote to finishing one non-academic book a semester, much less five. And given the number of deadlines that loom before me, I really shouldn't. 

But here I am, writing this, and planning to read one of the books (a short one, Fahrenheit 451) before I start my work for the day. I haven't decided if I actually will, but I might, because I just can't focus. 

Next time I'll be a bit more coherent.